What Hurts the Most
by Little Tweak
Summary: When Gohan struggles to deal with the reality of living without his father, he doesn't realize that even the dead can feel pain. Regret will lead Goku to make a decision that he should have made sooner. [ Song-fic ] Re-written R&R!


What Hurts the Most

**Rascal** **Flatts**

[ I do not own DBZ or the song! ]

Gohan stared toward the empty sky, rain drenching him to the bone. Thunder crashed over head, as if to mask the broken sobs coming from the heart-broken boy. He sat against a tree in the front lawn, attempting to lose himself in the pitter patter of rain against the roof of the small home. As it turned out, there was nothing he could do to escape the painful reality of life as he knew it.

_I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house... That don't bother me._

Tears welled in his eyes, pouring down his cheeks in raging torrents. Though, he didn't possess the will to wipe them away, knowing his attempts to still the tears would be useless. They seemed to mingle with the rain, making it less obvious when he finally decided to go inside. But he didn't care what his mother thought, everyone already knew how distressed he was, this was no different than any other night since... That day.

_I can take a few tears now and then and just let 'em out, I'm not afraid to cry every once and a while even though goin on with you gone still upsets me._

Pulling himself to his feet took more effort than normal, and he trudged inside, his head bowed in sorrow. As he was about to round the corner to his bedroom, ChiChi appeared and smiled at her son, asking if he was alright. Like usual, Gohan planted a painful ghost of a smile to his face and assured that all was well, when of course, as everyone knew... It wasn't.

_There are days every now and again I pretend I'm okay, but that's not what gets me..._

Finally secluded in his room, Gohan buried his face in a pillow as images of the Cell games flashed through his mind in unending torment. He saw Cell, about to blow... And his father, right in front of him.

_"I'm_ _proud_ _of_ _you_, _Gohan_..."

_What hurts the most, was being so close... And having so much to say..._

They were gone in an instant.

_And watching you walk away._

Now he had a knew sibling on the way, who would grow up without a father.

_And never knowing what could've been..._

He was so angry at himself. This was all his fault. But, why couldn't his father see that they needed him? He had the chance to come home, but he chose to leave them behind. Somewhere inside, Gohan was searching for a reason to be upset with his father, but he couldn't bring himself to do it.

_And not seeing that loving you... Is what I was trying to do._

Closing his eyes Gohan drifted into a fitful sleep.

When morning came, the young demi-saiyan changed and left for Kame house, his mother insisting that seeing his friends would lift his spirits some.

_It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go, but I'm doing it._

Landing on shore, the boy was greeted with the happy smiles of Krillin, Yamcha, Tien, Chiaotzu... He looked to his right, but remembered coming by himself... He smiled and said hello, being as cheerful as he could be in this state.

_Its hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone._

Gohan sat and talked for awhile, though, even being there seemed difficult. But... Everything did nowadays, strolling around with this massive guilt on his conscience.

_Still harder getting up, getting dressed, living with this regret..._

All he could think about was what he could've done... What he could've said...

_But I know, if I could do it over I would trade, give away all the words that I saved in my heart, that I left unspoken._

Flying home, Gohan realized just how late it was, the sun already disappearing behind the horizon. Speeding up, he made his way home, silently sulking for another troubled night.

What he didn't know, however, was that along Snake Way in Otherworld, a particular Saiyan was having the same thoughts...

oOo

Goku walked a decent ways behind King Kai, staring into the clouds, feeing every bit of sadness that his son expressed. He had been listening in on him for a few days, finding comfort in his only child, though it only multiplied the heaviness in his heart. It brought him back to the Cell games, holding Gohan's shoulders tight, prompting him to fights Cell...

_What hurts the most was being so close, and having so much to say,_

Seeing him enter the ring alone to face the threat...

_And watching you walk away._

Goku began wondering if he should have allowed himself to be wished back. Living the rest of his life with his family in this time of peace.

_And never knowing what could've been..._

But he chose to stay to protect the earth... To keep the ones he loved safe. But all it seemed to be doing was causing everyone misery, including himself. Was it really the right thing to do?

_"That_ _doesn't_ _mean_ _I_ _don't_ _need_ _you!_"

_And not seeing that loving you, is what I was trying to do._

Finally, King Kai stopped, uttering a muffled yelp from the melancholy Saiyan as Goku absentmindedly walked straight into him.

"Hey, what's up, King Kai? Why'd ya stop?"

His face scrutinized his former student as he responded, "Goku, I think it's time you went back to be with your family." He spoke the last words as he turned forward again.

Goku's eyes widened. "What are you talking about, King Kai? I already made up my mind about that." His voice became quiet and etched with sadness. "And the Earth will be better off without me."

King Kai looked to the sky before speaking, "Goku, it's time we had a talk."

Goku stared expectantly.

"Staying in Other World was a mistake, Goku. No matter what, the Earth will always face it's fair share of problems, no matter who inhabits it. Your presence created a balance between the powers, Goku. You are the Earth's protecter, and honestly, it will only get worse without you. Gohan is a strong boy, I know. But this is much too big of a responsibility for an eleven year old boy to handle without the support of his father. These are precious times, Goku. Missing it will only make you feel worse. You were not meant to die like that, not now. You need to understand that fate had a difficult path for you to take, but it is nothing you cannot deal with, that I'm sure of."

King Kai stopped and turned, meeting Goku's sad eyes. His expression softened. "And you have friends down their missing you. A family wondering what they'll do without you."

Goku's eyes went downcast while King Kai continued, "Think of them Goku. You have a wonderful life down there waiting for you. Don't let one bad decision take it away from you." The Kai smiled. "And I know a particularly young boy down there who needs his father more than anything right now. And a wife yearning for her husband. Don't give it up, Goku. Go live the life you were destined for."

By now, King Kai noticed Goku had brought an arm to conceal his eyes, struggling to wipe away tears. Walking closer, King Kai placed a hand on the Saiyan's shoulder.

"Come now, lets go give those Nameks a call. I'm sure they'd love to hear from you. And don't worry about us," He laughed as he gestured to Bubbles and Gregory frolicking about on the thin road. "I think we'll be alright."

Goku nodded, finally looking up at his former teacher, the remnants of tears still visible in the corners of his eyes. His voice was hoarse, very unlike him, and he only said; "Thank you, King Kai."

oOo

Suddenly, a startled cry reverberated through the tiny home, startling Gohan awake.

"Mom?!"

Gohan was immediately on his feet, ready to fall whatever had intruded into their home. With fists tightly clenched, Gohan sped around the corner, but stopped cold when he came face to face with the sight before him.

His mother had her arms thrown around a large man, crying her heart out. The man laughed and took her around the waist, spinning her about before setting her down and eyeing the boy in the doorway, a huge grin on his face. ChiChi wiped her eyes and smiled at her son.

"Gohan, someone's here to see you."

Gohan just stared, tears forming in his eyes. "D...Daddy?" The halo that appears above a persons head when they cross into Other World was absent from his fathers. But that meant... Did he...?

Goku smiled at the boy. "Hey, little man. I missed you."

Gohan just stood in the doorway, eyes wide.

Goku fell to his knees and outstretched his arms.

Finally, the boy tore across the room, leaping into his father's arms, welcoming the embrace.

Goku held Gohan firm to his shoulder and rested his head on top of the boys unruly hair, rocking slightly, shushing his son into a calmer state as he cried.

"It's okay, Gohan. It's okay. Daddy's here now."

Gohan pulled his head from his fathers chest to look up at him. He had stopped crying, and looked up at his father with the widest grin Goku had ever seen. The elder Saiyan returned the look, happy to be home.

oOo

The small family had planted themselves on the sofa, listening as Goku explained his recent actions.

"On our way to Grand Kai's planet," Goku began, "King Kai slapped some sense into me. I don't know what I was thinking when I chose to stay up there. I missed you guys so much and I. . . I don't know what I'd do without you. He squeezed Gohan tight and pressed his lips to ChiChi's. "I love you both, more that anything else in the world."

Finally Gohan spoke up.

"Daddy, I..."

Goku turned to his son, his expression softening. "What is it, Little man?"

"I just wanted to say that I'm really sorry, daddy. I don't know what came over me. I was just so angry, and I wanted to see Cell suffer for what he had done. I never meant for this to happen. It's all my fault, if I had just–"

Goku interrupted, "Stop attacking yourself, Gohan. None of this was your fault. I should've known to teach you to keep your power under control in the Hyperbolic Time Chamber. I'm the one who should be sorry. I was blinded by what I saw to be best for the Earth, and I forgot about what would was best for my own family and friends." He smiled and ruffled Gohan's hair as be layed against his father chest even deeper, a calming sensation passing over him.

They sat like that for a while, chatting together as a whole again until everyone began to feel the effects of the late hour.

ChiChi faced her husband.

"I think it's time to call it a night, wouldn't you say?"

Goku brushed Gohan's stubborn hair from his face, his eyes closed in sleep. The boys head rested against Goku's chest, one fist placed absently over of his mouth. The Saiyan father smiled and looked toward his wife.

"Just a few more minutes..."

ChiChi nodded and smiled, leaning over as she kissed her husband. After landing a peck on her sons forehead, she made her way to their own bed, waiting for Goku to put Gohan down for the night and join her.

Goku sat there for some time, just stroking his sons hair, smiling to himself. He was especially sorry to Gohan, for putting that much strain on him. The emotional toll must have been terrible, and Goku hoped to fix that. He would never leave his baby boy alone like that again.

Taking a tight hold of his son, Goku padded down the hall and into the boys room, placing his small body in the bed. He pulled the covers up over him and smiled when the boy clutched them as he unconsciously rolled onto his side.

Goku kneeled beside the bed and kissed Gohan on the forehead. Standing, he exited the room, leaving the door open, ajar. He smiled as he made his way to his own room.

_And not seeing that loving you, that's what I was trying to do..._

* * *

A/N: Sorry, I just had to rewrite this as a song-fic! Hope you guys like it~

( You should really give the song a try, it's beautiful.) Please, R&R! Thanks. :)


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